Come and go.

So! I've got fuck all to tell you guys about, so I'll tell you one of my favourite stories and probably one of the funniest memories I've had, ever! I can never forget it because it's just so funny.

The story begins when I was a little tucker, probably 16 years old. I was living in Perth and worked at Morley McDonald's. Maccas has everything backwards. They have the girls at the front and the guys in the kitchen, and we all know.. it's the women that belong in the kitchen. Not the men.

ANYWAY!

One day, I was working out the back (in the kitchen) making some kickass burgers when this boy Martin initiates conversation. He was a bit of a weirdo and had more than a few bolts loose in the upstairs department. You'd say he was socially retarded. So, he opens conversation with the most awkward topic on the planet. He goes to me "hey, when I wank... I don't cum". I was obviously like wtf?

Why would a guy, deem it necessary to talk about ejaculation to another guy? I really didn't care and was like wtf? This other guy overheard and was like "it's called shooting blanks!".

So we were all working, just chillin', we had moved on from the earlier conversation. Me and a few of the boys were still throwing around jokes about Martin's ejaculation problem. WHEN! I rip out the most killer joke. If this didn't burn him, I don't know what would have!

I was in the wash room, washing shit. As you do. When I needed help so I call out to Martin.. "Hey Martin, can you come here?"
Then! My genius mind went into overdrive and ripped the best one liner I've ever said in my life.

"OH SHIT! WAIT! YOU CAN'T!"

As soon as I said that, all the boys in the kitchen were pissing them selves and literally rolling on the floor laughing. Poor Martin went red and didn't know what to do except let out a little "fuck you".

SO! Lesson learnt. Never, ever, ever, EVER! Talk about ejaculation or lack there of with other guys.

I hope this was entertaining. I had to share it :)

THANK YOU!
BYE!

JUSTIN BIEBER! OMGZ! SO RANDOM! LOL!

What is up to all you teenie boppers and older people out there! Who ever you are! I don't know your faces but one day you will show them to me and I will do a shit on them! Just because I can.
I wouldn't really do that, but could you imagine :|

So! Recent news!
Last night, I had the honour of attending a Justin Bieber concert.

Yes, I am 19, fuck you.

I actually sped to Rod Laver Arena, getting changed while driving because I was at an induction for work. While speeding, I was untying my shoe laces and putting my shoes on and unbuttoning my shirt. I drove for about 5 minutes in my underwear and at every set of lights on Flinders Street I'd put on a piece of clothing. I parked on the other side of the park (I forgot what it was called.. let me find out.. okay, it was the Royal Botanic Gardens) and I sprinted for Rod Laver, through the dark park searching for any rogue dicks so I don't get raped while on the run!

I made it to Rod Laver, outside of the Arena were all of these parents, waiting for their lovely young daughters... or faggot ass sons to come out. I sprinted up the stairs (yes, my story involved very fast actions such as speeding and sprinting because I wanted to make it! AND I'M AN ACTIVE PERSON!.. only when I want to get to Bieber). I get into the entrance and I was like "I'm late... can I still come in?" and the lady says "Oh, you foolish boy. You'll just make the last song". SO! Straight after that 'g' in 'song' rolled off her tongue, I sprinted to gate 12 and found my friends and made it just in time for the little slut to sing his hit 'Baby'.

I must admit, all of that sprinting and the $95 I paid to watch about 10 minutes of his concert was completely worth it. The screams of the little shits were deafening and I was genuinely excited to see The Biebs because of this. The atmosphere was incredible and I was quickly trying to scope out a new girlfriend amongst the crowd, but evidently, they were all too young for me. Maybe I could have taken one of the mums.. but I didn't think of it at the time.

It was amazing just to see all of these little girls (Note: There may have been boys, or guys) jumping and singing all the words to the song. Hearing little girls yell out "FUCK ME, JUSTIN" made me wonder about where kids these days are heading... THEIR HEADS ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO JUSTIN'S CROTCH! ALONG WITH THEIR MOUTHS!... Judging by the way they're going.

I could have written more, but I think my determination to make it to that last 10 minutes of the concert is the true story here.

My throat hurts from screaming. Yes, screaming. Just because I went to Justin Biebers concert, doesn't mean I suck dick.

I hope you're all well!

Not really, just trying to be kind.
But seriously, be happy.

I love you all so much.

BYE FUCKERS!

Duck, duck.. loosey goosey!

So, I've been missing in action for a while. So much has happened (not really).

I've had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, oh yes! I broke up with my girlfriend! Which means I have so much spare time on my hands, it's amazing! I can keep writing kick ass blogs for all the people out there that aren't even going to read it! But they will one day.

First! If there's one song that will make you feel amazing after a break up.. it's definately this.

The song is by Bobby Darin, it's been done by so many others including Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett. It makes you realise that whole "what comes around goes around" and while you were the sad panda, the other person will get what's coming to them eventually and by then you'll be happy and you can kick back and laugh at their misfortune. This is kind of mean, but I don't really care hahaha it's the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. I'm not going to post the lyrics, it's better if you listen to it and think "Shit, this is pretty kickass". It really does make you feel better about everything.

Not much else has been happening in my life. I don't even know why I'm talking about my life. I'll just end it here. If I think of anything really cool, I'll make another post!

Shout out to Jen! For reminding me that I had this blog and kinda making me write another. (Sorry if it's not that funny.. it'll get there soon).

Adios Amigos!

Tupac Shakur had a gift!

Tupac Shakur has been said to be the greatest rapper to ever lived. He was very much gifted, and I found some evidence to prove that! This guy has some major skills! Check it out!

Yeah, look at how perfectly he wrapped that gift. When asked to comment on it, Mr. Shakur replied with "yo, it's just like clockwork, yo. I can wrap a gift with both hands tied behind my back".

So there it is.

Tupac Shakur really is the greatest wrapper of all time.

If he hadn't died, I reckon Santa would hire him in a heartbeat.

That is all for tonight.

Goodnight, and good luck.

P.s. Please excuse my shitty image editing skills. Cbf factor was at an all time high.

I'm farting!

I've recently had a lot of Solo to drink. I don't even think it was Solo, it was Kirks club soda, or some shit like that.

Anyway, it's making my farts smell toxic! The worst thing is, I KEEP FARTING!

I think I'm gonna pass out soon. I feel dizzy.

Fart, Fart and away!

Fail #1.

In case you all forgot the chronological order of the days of the week.

Special guest Rebecca Black is here to tell us how it goes.

If you feel like a shit person, don't worry. This will make you feel better about your self!

Welcome Minions!

Greetings! Welcome to my new blog!

By coming to this blog you've already made an excellent life decision. The decision to spend your time reading crap posted by someone who doesn't really have any qualifications in anything, except shit talking. Which is why I made this blog. To talk shit on a bigger scale. Extensive verbal diarrhoea. Extensive, ongoing, incurable verbal diarrhoea.

I guess introductions are in order,

I am Liridon Sulejmani. Formerly known as Liridon Sulejmani.

Student, baker and candlestick maker.

I was named after a famous ship that sunk in an ocean not too far from here. Okay, I lied. I'm already talking shit and it's only the second paragraph. At the present moment I am 19 years old. That means, 19 years ago, I, like all of you, made it from my dad's ball sack into my mum's hoo-ha and became a foetus that then squeezed out of her hoo-ha and evolved 19 years to be the four-eyed, ravishingly handsome young man I am today.

This is a long introduction. That's all you really need to know at the moment. You'll learn more about me as I make new posts. I don't want this blog to be about one topic. That's just boring. So, I'll talk about what ever the hell I feel like at the time. About anything and everything!

Special mentions go out to my lovely older sister, Juliet, and my indescribably beautiful girlfriend, Ariana. They influenced me to start this and so thanks guys!

Lastly, I apologise in advance for my foul language and inappropriateness. I'm a vulgarian, so try not to get too offended. So yes, I'm sorry.

SO! TIME TO NAKED AND HAVE A GOOD OLD TIME!

Peace, love and prosperity to you all! I know you'll need it ;)

Ciao!

P.s. Don't tease my background. It's cute.